She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
