Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
