Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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