You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
