I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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