no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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