It's Friday. Sex?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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