I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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