whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
