Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
