Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
