I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's never too late to be topless.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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