i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
