i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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