Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
