Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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