I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
false alarm, still single
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