i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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