I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
only you would photoshop your dick
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
