It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
