i just had sex bonerless
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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