He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
