if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Randomize
