She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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