this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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