So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
