Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
