i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
