i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
