look no pants
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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