I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
