Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
