I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
