now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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