I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
