Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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