Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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