ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
