We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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