he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
