party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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