I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
