i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
