Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sarcasm needs its own font
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
