I love black thongs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
