Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
