when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
