I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
