Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
