You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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