Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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